Jul/15/13: titled blanks
Minimal
white
spaces
where thoughts float
in isolation, an island of foci
relief against desperate walls.
Whitespaces:
tiny(trembling)pauses
between the words I recited
nestling meaning like Easter eggs
secret messages bottled up
in those wild, white spaces
If I could accept the role of a coward
for the rest of my life, I would not hesitate
to crawl into the forgiving crevices,
and make them my lonely home,
I would live life on the edge
of your broken space bar
and try not to program
invalid syntax into your life.
white
spaces
where thoughts float
in isolation, an island of foci
relief against desperate walls.
Whitespaces:
tiny(trembling)pauses
between the words I recited
nestling meaning like Easter eggs
secret messages bottled up
in those wild, white spaces
If I could accept the role of a coward
for the rest of my life, I would not hesitate
to crawl into the forgiving crevices,
and make them my lonely home,
I would live life on the edge
of your broken space bar
and try not to program
invalid syntax into your life.
Jul/2/13: Peripheral
I am a whisper
across the night
an ageless concord
a satellite dreamer
I don't understand music
but dance among color
forever chasing light
as with light, darkness travels
Formless, I am free
boundless, I am able
timeless, I'm released
infinite, I unleash
Sometimes, I wait
I wonder, discover, imagine
greatness, love, and joy
silently I listen
My space ripples with laughter
I desire things, I wish
for a human heart, I want
to truly awaken
I am desperate for anger
the knowledge to sing, I itch
for a different start, I haunt
with yearning, nearly breaking
As well as I mimic, I am just
a fleeting shade of despair
misplaced constant curiosity
a mere wink amidst a light-year
Percolated with stardust,
an absence of substance
I subsist, abstinent
and you don't miss me
across the night
an ageless concord
a satellite dreamer
I don't understand music
but dance among color
forever chasing light
as with light, darkness travels
Formless, I am free
boundless, I am able
timeless, I'm released
infinite, I unleash
Sometimes, I wait
I wonder, discover, imagine
greatness, love, and joy
silently I listen
My space ripples with laughter
I desire things, I wish
for a human heart, I want
to truly awaken
I am desperate for anger
the knowledge to sing, I itch
for a different start, I haunt
with yearning, nearly breaking
As well as I mimic, I am just
a fleeting shade of despair
misplaced constant curiosity
a mere wink amidst a light-year
Percolated with stardust,
an absence of substance
I subsist, abstinent
and you don't miss me
Apr/23/13: Disjunction.
In one of my favorite worlds, I have unflinching
decisive discourse with you.
You, or everyone I’ve ever been silent to.
I would tell you that I am embarrassed around you,
though I don’t regret the ten minutes we spent together
under a clear sky of knowing stars,
but you’re just not exactly a part of my life right now,
and I’m not sure if I miss you in it, anyway.
I would tell you that I am also fed up with myself
that I wish we could transcend the morning hours like we used to
telling each other things we’ve never told anyone else
and be as loud and carefree
as you seem just on the other side of this wall
with people I can’t open up to
even though we sleep just six feet apart every night
but I’m afraid I’m losing you
and it’s probably all my fault,
because you’re tired of the earthquakes I destroy myself with
and you don’t want to be buried under all my troubles.
I would tell you that we think in the same ways
but I feel inferior to you, and frustrated
and that I am not really myself when I am with you
because this shouldn’t feel like a competition
and this is a new group of friends and a new array
of inside jokes and a second home away
from my second home and a blossoming of better days and this
should have been everything I was willing to dive into.
I would tell you that I loved you but I couldn’t spell then
and I might have lost you
but you never lost me
and that was the worst part.
I would tell me that I am worth something
I want to be able, awake, and precise
Confident, nonjudgmental, and wise
I can look you in the eye
say what I mean
and do what I say
but my fictions don’t become fact
because this isn’t actually the world where
we can have unflinching, decisive discourse
but the world where we experience discord.
decisive discourse with you.
You, or everyone I’ve ever been silent to.
I would tell you that I am embarrassed around you,
though I don’t regret the ten minutes we spent together
under a clear sky of knowing stars,
but you’re just not exactly a part of my life right now,
and I’m not sure if I miss you in it, anyway.
I would tell you that I am also fed up with myself
that I wish we could transcend the morning hours like we used to
telling each other things we’ve never told anyone else
and be as loud and carefree
as you seem just on the other side of this wall
with people I can’t open up to
even though we sleep just six feet apart every night
but I’m afraid I’m losing you
and it’s probably all my fault,
because you’re tired of the earthquakes I destroy myself with
and you don’t want to be buried under all my troubles.
I would tell you that we think in the same ways
but I feel inferior to you, and frustrated
and that I am not really myself when I am with you
because this shouldn’t feel like a competition
and this is a new group of friends and a new array
of inside jokes and a second home away
from my second home and a blossoming of better days and this
should have been everything I was willing to dive into.
I would tell you that I loved you but I couldn’t spell then
and I might have lost you
but you never lost me
and that was the worst part.
I would tell me that I am worth something
I want to be able, awake, and precise
Confident, nonjudgmental, and wise
I can look you in the eye
say what I mean
and do what I say
but my fictions don’t become fact
because this isn’t actually the world where
we can have unflinching, decisive discourse
but the world where we experience discord.
Jan/19/13: the wanting wind
I’m at crossroads and I think
I’ve been losing myself along the way
and this may be the wrong direction
I used to be organized, my world a neat little list of
do’s and do not’s,
and then other parts of my life that I came to care about flooded in
cluttering into one big mess
What have I been doing up to now? What have I been
doing without you?
Life wasn’t being fair but then I’m not blaming myself again
I could have changed things, but what were the chances
that I could be the only factor?
Your new me reminds me so much of who I used to be
I wish I could go back to being her
she who was so frustratingly naive but that didn’t
make her feelings any less intense
maybe she was a bit too self-doubting
second-guessing when she could have just tossed all fear
to the wind, the wind that now carries all the things she would never,
but now she wishes she could have,
spoken up
I could imagine
a wanting wind drifts three thousand miles
just to swirl through you and maybe it cools you
or makes you shiver
a little tingle across your spine
and leaves a little less hopeful
but either way
you’ll never know
I’ve been losing myself along the way
and this may be the wrong direction
I used to be organized, my world a neat little list of
do’s and do not’s,
and then other parts of my life that I came to care about flooded in
cluttering into one big mess
What have I been doing up to now? What have I been
doing without you?
Life wasn’t being fair but then I’m not blaming myself again
I could have changed things, but what were the chances
that I could be the only factor?
Your new me reminds me so much of who I used to be
I wish I could go back to being her
she who was so frustratingly naive but that didn’t
make her feelings any less intense
maybe she was a bit too self-doubting
second-guessing when she could have just tossed all fear
to the wind, the wind that now carries all the things she would never,
but now she wishes she could have,
spoken up
I could imagine
a wanting wind drifts three thousand miles
just to swirl through you and maybe it cools you
or makes you shiver
a little tingle across your spine
and leaves a little less hopeful
but either way
you’ll never know